Finding myself stuck

Finding myself stuck

That title says it all, explains why I am where I am and why I feel the way I feel. I’ve read a lot and most literature tends to agree that happiness comes from within, and really if that’s the case you should be able to be happy anywhere. To a point that is true. And after three years of trying to be happy with where I was, I moved to Oregon. I thought the changes would do me good. Lower cost of living, transfer to a new institution for work. Well that hasn’t work out quite how I thought it would. Cost of living in negligibly lower, and its my job, I can’t stand it, doesn’t matter where it is. My husband is still stuck in Los Angeles, he never made it through the hiring freeze. We’ve only been married for three months.

Right now I find myself again having to make life changing decisions only six months after the other ones. Did you know that the federal government is going to decrease overall employment by twenty percent? I work for the federal government as a correctional officer, something you’d think they would want to fund, but they don’t. I hate the job any way, but it is a pay check. So do I quit my job and return to LA where my husband is? Do I stay and go back to school so I have options when I do quit this job? I could try to transfer back to LA, but chances are the same my husband will get transferred to where I am. Questions, questions, questions…annoying little gnats!

But how can I find happiness if I go back? Going back isn’t an option. Going forward isn’t possible without my husband. I suppose all I can do is read good books and get more tea to ease the frustration. It’s the anxiety that hurts the worst and I’m not even sure why. The loneliness I can deal with, but anxiety can turn this into a nightmare.

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(image via Elizabeth Gadd flickr )

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